L.O.V.E.

It is that time of year again. The time where everywhere you look you see hearts, flowers, and people in love. Wether or not you have someone to celebrate this time of year with, it is impossible not to think about the things and people you love. So, from the inspiration of my sister in law, I am going to share my list of the things and people I personally love.

- Jesus Christ
- My Mommy and Daddy
- Chris and Jessica
- My boyfriend Richard
- Lightning
- The Food Network
- All of my co-workers
- Victoria's Secret PINK line
- Cooking new recipes
- Starbucks
- Mexican Food
- My Mommy's care packages
- My I-phone
- All Chi products
- Giada de la Hill
- All of my amazing brother in laws
- Momma and Daddy Jordan
- Richard's Family
- Pandora
- Books of all kinds
- The Diamond H Ranch
- Jason and Lauren
- My roommate
- Courtney Miller
- My pink and black Nike Shocks
- Mac Makeup
- Cuddling with my honey
- Spoons frozen yogurt
- Cheesy dating shows on VH1
- So You Think You Can Dance
- Anything to do with Texas A&M
- Antioch Church
- Diet Dr Pepper
- Kashi Products
- Sharky's Burrito's
- Watching movies
- Listening to my daddy talk about his cows (he get's really excited)
- Learning how to shop with Jessica
- Phone calls from Richard
- Watching Chris and Jess and my parents continually fall more in love
- Cuddling with Lightning
- Subway
- Flip Flops

These are just a few of the things and people that I love. Love is such an important thing to the Lord and an essential thing to living a rich and full life. Have a Happy Valentines everyone.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails... And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
- I Corinthians 13:4-7, 13

Love,
Heritage Marie

Captivating Chapter 1

I have always loved reading. I think I must get it from my mother. I do not have a memory of her that did not involve a Louis Lamour or a Clive Cussler novel in her hands. She was the one who gave me my Dr. Seusses and my Nancy Drews that shaped my young reading years. There are few books, however, that I will ever say have truly changed my life. A few years back, my dad told my mother that if she loved him, she would read a book called Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. The book addressed the true heart than men are supposed to have and what three things they need. My mom and I both decided to read it and it changed the way I looked at every man in my life. They later came out with another book that was the same theory, but for a woman's heart. Captivating became the first book to ever truly change my life. I learned more about myself as a woman in that book than I ever knew about myself.

Not only do I love reading, but I love women and the amazing and unique heart that God gave us. I believe that Captivating can speak to every woman's heart as it has done for so many of the women in my life, so I have decided to work through the book and blog about it chapter by chapter. I will share what it says and what it says to my heart. I hope that as I am vulnerable with my heart, the Lord will speak to and love on yours.

Chapter One: The Heart of a Woman

You belong among the wildflowers

You beling in a boat out at sea

You belong with your love on your arm

You belong somewhere you feel free.

- Tom Petty

Unseen, Unsought, and Uncertain

What does it mean to become a woman? What is the true heart of a woman? Ask any woman you know and they will be able to rattle off a list of things that women are "supposed to be," but does anyone really ever feel like they measure up? Every woman out there feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. The result from this feeling of failure is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone. Our minds tell us that after all, if we were better women, life would be so much happier and wouldn't be so hard. The ending results is feeling Unseen, Unsought, and Uncertain. We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain - uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be. The result is us pouring contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. We long for intimacy and adventure, but the desires of our hearts seem to be luxuries only for those few amazing women who "have their acts together." The message to the rest of us is "try harder."

The Heart of a Woman

Your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you. "God created man in his own image... male and female he created them" (Gen. 1:27). Whatever it means to bear God's image, you do so as a woman. We are woman to our soul, to the very core of our being. So the journey to discovering what the Lord meant for us to be women begins with our heart. It beings with Desire. Think back to when you were a little girl. What games did you play? What movies do you love to watch? We play dress up in pretty dresses and wait for Prince Charming to come rescue us. We watch movies of adventure and romance. Every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplacable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive.

To be Romanced

My favorite game when I was a little girl was to be the princess that my prince had to rescue. We would always fall in love, I would get captured by the evil villain, and my prince would have to go against all odds to rescue me (which in my perfect imagination, always happened). I simply loved feeling wanted and fought for. This desire is set deep in the heart of every little girl and woman. Think about the movies we watched as little girls and the movies we watch now. From Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast to Titanic, Maid in Manhatten and Last of the Mohicans. What is it that stirs us as we watch Braveheart and William Wallace pursues Murron with flowers and horseback rides in the pouring rain on the Scottish Highlands? When we are young, we want to be precious to someone - especially Daddy. As we grow older, the desire matures into a longing to be pursued, desired, and wanted as a woman. Now romance isn't all that a woman should want, we shouldn't be validated by it, but don't you want it? Don't you desire to be sought after and romanced? Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after. At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen ,wanted, and pursued. We want to be romanced.

An Irreplaceable Role in a Great Adventure

There is something fierce in the heart of every woman. A woman is a warrior too, but she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Think of the amazing women in The Lord of the Ring trilogy or the nurses in Pearl Harbor. Think even of women like Esther and Mary and Ruth. Not "safe" and "nice" women, not merely "sweet," but passionate and powerful women who were beautiful as warriors! Women were made to be a part of a great adventure. An adventure that is shared. We don't want the adventure just for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others. At times we all want to be alone. Run away from all hurt and disappointments of the world, but we are echoes of the Trinity. Made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for transcendent purpose.

Beauty to Unveil

"The King is enthralled by your beauty." (Psalm 45:11)

Remember twirling skirts when you were little? Remember making mom's high heels your glass slipper? Remember trying to look like mom then running to dad to show him? All young girl's hearts intuitively want to know they are lovely. Some will ask with words, "Am I lovely?" Others will simply ask with their eyes. The desire to be beautiful is an ageless longing. God has set eternity in our hearts, the longing to be beautiful is set there as well. The desire to be beautiful has caused untold grief to many women. Heart's have been broken in the pursiut for beauty. For others, including myself, beauty has been shamed, used, and abused. I have learned that posessing beauty can be dangerous. And yet, in spite of all the pain and distress that beauty causes to us as women, the desire remains. Many of us have hardened our hearts to the desire, the desire to be the Beauty. We have been hurt so deeply in this area that we no longer identify with, even resent, the longing. But... it's still there. And it's more than the desire for an outward beauty, but more - a desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are. Women yearn to be seen, and be thought of as captivating. We desire to posess beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.

The Heart of a Man

In Wild at Heart, they adress the three things a man's heart needs. Every man wants a battle to fight. It's the whole thing with boy's and weapons. Men love movies like Braveheart, Gladiator, and Saving Private Ryan. Men are made for battle. And isn't it perfect since we want a man to fight for us?! Women don't fear a man's strength if he is a good man. Every man longs for adventure. Adventure is a deeply spiritual longing in the heart of every man. Adventure requires something of us, puts us to the test. Finally, every man longs for a Beauty to rescue. It's not just that a man needs a battle to fight, he needs someone to fight for. There is nothing that inspires a man to courage so much as the woman he loves. Now, can't you see how perfect God was with the desires He placed in both the man and woman's hearts? They fit beautifully together. A woman in the presence of a good man, a real man, loves being a woman. His strength allows her feminine heart to flourish. His pursuit draws out her beauty. And a man in the presence of a real woman loves being a man. Her beauty arouses him to play the man, it draws out his strength. She inspires him to be a hero.

I hope that these blogs will speak to your heart as women. That you will allow the Lord to reveal his heart in your uniquely feminine heart. And men, I hope that as you read this, it will show you the kind of heart your woman will want and is striving to have.

Love,

Heritage Marie

Safety

This past weekend, I went to Magnolia to visit Chris and Jess. It was quite possibly the best weekend I have had in a very long time. Good cooking, good food, family, puppies, movies, and Jesus... it was an all around perfect weekend. I got to talk a lot to Jess about life. We talked about everything from looking good in a bikini in platform heels to hurts that we are having trouble dealing with. In the midst of one of our talks, we briefly brought up an issue that has haunted me my whole life (and most girls I am going to say). Safety...

What is it about that word that haunts me? It seems that in every aspect of my life I am looking for some kind of safety. I have a job to give me financial safety. I have great friends that give me social safety. I live in a great apartment that gives me an overall feeling of safety. But there is a part of me that always feels a little unprotected at times in our lives... our hearts.

As a woman, I am called to be soft. I am called to show the side of God that is vulnerable and longs for romance. I am called to be inviting. I am called to bring beauty, the escense of who God is. I am called also to be strong in a deeply feminie way. If women are called to be all of these things, why is it that so many women we see today are the opposite? They are guarded, hard, and constantly striving to "be better" rather than showing the heart God gave them. They are scared... and even more terriefied to let anyone know that. As I thought about that this weekend, I examined my own life. I thought back to when I was a little girl. Before the stresses of life and the world really meant anything to me. I rememebered being able to put my heart out there for everyone with no fear of pain or rejection. I was simply me and I felt amazing. I felt... safe.

Not too long ago, I was that hard and guarded woman. I was not vulnerable, I was not soft, and I was not inviting. I was going against my very esence as a woman. I didn't feel safe and because of that, I took care of all my fears and dangers myself. I would not put my heart out there for people to enjoy because I was protecting it. I was the only one who knew my heart and I wasn't goint to let anyone have the chance to hurt it. Now... take a look at this paragraph. How many times did I say I? That was my problem. The thing is, we are not the ones who are supposed to protect our hearts.

The Lord finally started working in my heart. He began showing me that HE is the one that is meant to take care of my fears and dangers. HE is the one that will protect my heart when I put it out there for others to enjoy. HE is the one who knows my true heart of hearts (every hurt, scar, and emotion). HE is the one who is meant to protect my heart. HE is my safety. I am able to be the woman I am called to be - soft, vulnerable, inviting, beutiful - when I am not focused on protecting myself, but rather trusting the Lord to protect my heart. He is so gentle with my heart. He is not some far off distnant God that is too busy to notice my hurts. He is the kind of God who hurts when my heart hurts. He is the God who will comfort me in ways no one else can when I am crying out to Him. He is the God who is loyal. He is the God who pursues me and romances my heart. And above all, He is the God who is jealous for me. He is jealous for my heart and will protect it passionately.

Safety of the heart is a huge issue. In any relationsip you have to feel safe. Women feel safe when the man is consistant. When she can share her heart and her thoughts and is comforted and listened to rather than turned away or blown off. They feel safe when there is patience rather than frustration, when there is love rather than anger, and when there is comfort rather than busyness.

"But the Lord is faithful, and He will strenghten and protect you from the evil one."
- 2 Thessalonians 3:3

He is faithful and He is our protector. Trust Him with your heart. Be soft. Be vulnerable. Be inviting. Show the escence of God. Feel free to grow and flourish in His safety

Love,
Heritage Marie

Broken Hearts

Hey everyone! I am so sorry that it has been so long since I have blogged. I have been having a crazy but happy life lately. To catch you up on what has happened to me, let me fill you in. I am back at school and am enjoying all of my classes. I have been blessed with an amazing job as a vet tech in the large animal surgery at the vet school. I have found an amazing new church home. It is call Antioch and anyone in the College Station area that is looking for a place that loves the Lord, I highly suggest this church.

Another thing that has happened in my life since the last time I have talked to ya'll is not so great. I managed to get my heart broken this summer. This was a terribly hard thing for me. The relationship I was in was the first one I was able to go into with a healed heart. I was able to put true emotion and feeling into it and show my true self to the guy. It was good for me and the Lord healed me even more as I opened up and revealed my heart. My mother has always told me that every relationship I am in will teach me something. Whether it is something I want in future relationships or something I want to avoid, I will always learn something. I learned many many things from this relationship, but mainly..... the beauty of a broken heart.

Through life our hearts are hurt by many different things. Our young hearts are hurt by learning Santa doesn't exist or getting made fun of on the playground. Then as we mature, our hearts learn that hurt gets stronger and more real. Our hearts experience loneliness, betrayal, and death. We learn how to experience the pain, work through it, and move on with the lessons the hurt taught us. We also learn that the things that can hurt us the most are the things that we love.

C.S. Lewis once said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of our selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is Hell."

So many times I have felt that life would be easier if I didn't open up my heart to things. I have had my heart broken many many times, but I have learned something... broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. Sure the hurt and pain can be excruciating, it can feel like everything in the world is spinning but you are sitting still just having to remember to breathe. But when the spinning stops and the pain subsides, you are different. You are stronger and in an imperfect and strange way, happier than before.

Pain is an inescapable object in our lives. Broken hearts are bound to happen in a lifetime. But the beautiful thing about broken hearts is the healing that follows. The beauty of the Lord taking every crack and scar and molding them into a new creation. That is the beauty of a broken heart... that is the beauty of life.

Romance

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - When Harry Met Sally

"I am just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her." - Notting Hill

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds and that's what you've given me." - The Notebook

"Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you add them all up, they meant that we were supposed to be together.....and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home.....only to no home I'd ever known. I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like.....magic." - Sleepless in Seattle

".....I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met." - The Wedding Date


There is something that stirs in me when I hear and read quotes like these. There is something that the innermost parts of my being long for. Something that people all over the world are searching for and craving. Something that who we are to the very core of us needs. Something that seems to evade us when we feel we are getting closer to it. What is it that seems to drive us crazy and yet at the same time only makes us want it more? Romance...

Whether you want to admit it or not, every person is longing for romance in their lives. There is something in us that knows we were not meant to be alone and that our hearts are meant to be joined to another. Look at the movies we watch, the music we listen to, and the books we read... They all have an undertone of romance. Every story has a basis of romance. Every woman wants to be romanced and fought for by her man and every man wants a beauty to rescue and a woman to fight for.

There are those who have found romance and get to experience the joys of it. It was created by God and it is good. But since I have not found the man God has created me for, I am going to write to those of us who are still waiting.

I believe there is a reason that we all long for love and romance to the degree that we do. I know that I have had some of the happiest times in my life when I was being romanced by a man, and I have had some of the loneliest times waiting and wishing for a man to "steal my heart." I have gone from the highest of highs after my first kiss with a man to the lowest of lows when my heart was breaking as I realized the relationship would have to end. As I was having my quiet time this morning, I was pouring out my longing to the Lord for the man He wants me to be with. I asked Him why He gave me a heart that longs for romance so much and is ready to be a wife and mother if He was still going make me wait. Then it hit me... The Lord put a desire for romance in my life because He wants to romance me before a man does. I realized that the most timeless love story of all has been the romance between the Lord and His Bride. The Lord showed me that He has been romancing me for twenty years and I have been too busy looking for a man rather than Him. I realized that we long for romance because the Lord purposely put the longing there so that we would long for a romance with Him as He cries out for a romance with us.

"As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters. As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." - Song of Solomon 2:2,3

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine." - Song of Solomon 1:2

"When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize." - Proverbs 31:10, 11

"I found the one my heart loves." - Song of Solomon 3:4

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear." - I John 4:18


These verses stir something in me now. I have utter faith that my heart will always be romanced and loved beyond my belief. I will always have Someone pursuing my heart and desiring me. I will always have Someone who loves and adores me the way I am and thinks I am captivating. The Lord will give me what I have always wanted. He will save and romance my heart daily for the rest of my life.

I know that Lord has made me for a man here and that he will be the man I have been praying and waiting for for twenty years. Until the Lord brings him to me, I will pursue the Lord and fall more in love with Him daily. When I do meet my husband, I know we will both be so in love with the Lord, that He will be the center of us and lead us together into His will for us.

So to all of my fellow singles out there. As you wait for the right person to come, I encourage you to romance and chase after the Lord. He is the sweetest lover and most faithful companion. He will never forsake your heart and will keep it whole and full of joy.

Love,
Heritage Marie

Captivating

In the past, I have been very wounded and the result of that was me being very guarded and refusing to show emotion. It took me a good year to even consider opening up to the Lord and forgiving those who had hurt me. Since the forgiveness process has began, the Lord has slowly and very patiently worked with my wounded heart. He has and is still shaping me and mending everything I have hidden from Him for so long. One of the major things He is helping me with is showing my emotions. I am finally getting to the point of being able to talk about what I am feeling and what I think. I am over coming the lies the enemy has planted in my head. Lies like "It's unsafe to show your emotions." "You will get hurt if you let others in." "You and your emotions are too much, but you as a person are not enough." Through the power of forgiveness and Christ, I am free from those lies. Now this is not to say that I do not struggle with those thoughts still, but they have no power over me anymore.

Today, I was struggling more than usual because I have been showing and investing more emotion into something than I ever have and my worst fear started to become true... I showed emotion and I was too much. I felt shame today for what I felt rather than captivating. I began to feel as though closing up again would be the safe and easy route (as it probably would be); however, I talked to my amazing sister in law instead. She spoke the awesome words of God to me. She reminded me that I am valuable and my emotions are too. She reminded me that who I am and who the Lord has made me in the past year is so much more important than something that makes me scared to be who I am.

It's amazing how the truth can penetrate so deep to the core of you. So, today I want to encourage the girls in my life and remind you of a few things:
1) You are Captivating to the core of who you are and you are loved by a God who is fiercely devoted to you.
2) You are enough as who you are and whoever you are meant to be with will never see you as too much.
3) Do not be afraid to be vulnerable and show tenderness because the Lord is and made us to present that side of Him to the world.

Love,
Heritage Marie

The Roomie in Amarillo

There are many things and people in the world that make me happy, but there is one person in my life who brings a special smile to my face and that is my roommate... Kylie Dane Littlefield. She is here in Amarillo visiting me, and I could not be more excited! She has been there for me during some of the lowest times in my life. She has an amazing heart that is so full of love. Not only is she gorgeous on the inside, she is absolutely breathtaking on the outside.

I can't wait to see where the Lord takes Kylie. At this point, she doesn't really know what she wants to do yet, but I know that the Lord has amazing plans for her. She has a heart for others and a heart for the Lord, and that is the combinations that leads to success with an awesome future.

Kylie has such a special place in my heart. I love her so much and just wanted to share what a unique and huge blessing she is to me.

Love,
Heritage Marie