Broken Hearts

Hey everyone! I am so sorry that it has been so long since I have blogged. I have been having a crazy but happy life lately. To catch you up on what has happened to me, let me fill you in. I am back at school and am enjoying all of my classes. I have been blessed with an amazing job as a vet tech in the large animal surgery at the vet school. I have found an amazing new church home. It is call Antioch and anyone in the College Station area that is looking for a place that loves the Lord, I highly suggest this church.

Another thing that has happened in my life since the last time I have talked to ya'll is not so great. I managed to get my heart broken this summer. This was a terribly hard thing for me. The relationship I was in was the first one I was able to go into with a healed heart. I was able to put true emotion and feeling into it and show my true self to the guy. It was good for me and the Lord healed me even more as I opened up and revealed my heart. My mother has always told me that every relationship I am in will teach me something. Whether it is something I want in future relationships or something I want to avoid, I will always learn something. I learned many many things from this relationship, but mainly..... the beauty of a broken heart.

Through life our hearts are hurt by many different things. Our young hearts are hurt by learning Santa doesn't exist or getting made fun of on the playground. Then as we mature, our hearts learn that hurt gets stronger and more real. Our hearts experience loneliness, betrayal, and death. We learn how to experience the pain, work through it, and move on with the lessons the hurt taught us. We also learn that the things that can hurt us the most are the things that we love.

C.S. Lewis once said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of our selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is Hell."

So many times I have felt that life would be easier if I didn't open up my heart to things. I have had my heart broken many many times, but I have learned something... broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. Sure the hurt and pain can be excruciating, it can feel like everything in the world is spinning but you are sitting still just having to remember to breathe. But when the spinning stops and the pain subsides, you are different. You are stronger and in an imperfect and strange way, happier than before.

Pain is an inescapable object in our lives. Broken hearts are bound to happen in a lifetime. But the beautiful thing about broken hearts is the healing that follows. The beauty of the Lord taking every crack and scar and molding them into a new creation. That is the beauty of a broken heart... that is the beauty of life.

Romance

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - When Harry Met Sally

"I am just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her." - Notting Hill

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds and that's what you've given me." - The Notebook

"Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you add them all up, they meant that we were supposed to be together.....and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home.....only to no home I'd ever known. I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like.....magic." - Sleepless in Seattle

".....I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met." - The Wedding Date


There is something that stirs in me when I hear and read quotes like these. There is something that the innermost parts of my being long for. Something that people all over the world are searching for and craving. Something that who we are to the very core of us needs. Something that seems to evade us when we feel we are getting closer to it. What is it that seems to drive us crazy and yet at the same time only makes us want it more? Romance...

Whether you want to admit it or not, every person is longing for romance in their lives. There is something in us that knows we were not meant to be alone and that our hearts are meant to be joined to another. Look at the movies we watch, the music we listen to, and the books we read... They all have an undertone of romance. Every story has a basis of romance. Every woman wants to be romanced and fought for by her man and every man wants a beauty to rescue and a woman to fight for.

There are those who have found romance and get to experience the joys of it. It was created by God and it is good. But since I have not found the man God has created me for, I am going to write to those of us who are still waiting.

I believe there is a reason that we all long for love and romance to the degree that we do. I know that I have had some of the happiest times in my life when I was being romanced by a man, and I have had some of the loneliest times waiting and wishing for a man to "steal my heart." I have gone from the highest of highs after my first kiss with a man to the lowest of lows when my heart was breaking as I realized the relationship would have to end. As I was having my quiet time this morning, I was pouring out my longing to the Lord for the man He wants me to be with. I asked Him why He gave me a heart that longs for romance so much and is ready to be a wife and mother if He was still going make me wait. Then it hit me... The Lord put a desire for romance in my life because He wants to romance me before a man does. I realized that the most timeless love story of all has been the romance between the Lord and His Bride. The Lord showed me that He has been romancing me for twenty years and I have been too busy looking for a man rather than Him. I realized that we long for romance because the Lord purposely put the longing there so that we would long for a romance with Him as He cries out for a romance with us.

"As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters. As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." - Song of Solomon 2:2,3

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine." - Song of Solomon 1:2

"When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize." - Proverbs 31:10, 11

"I found the one my heart loves." - Song of Solomon 3:4

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear." - I John 4:18


These verses stir something in me now. I have utter faith that my heart will always be romanced and loved beyond my belief. I will always have Someone pursuing my heart and desiring me. I will always have Someone who loves and adores me the way I am and thinks I am captivating. The Lord will give me what I have always wanted. He will save and romance my heart daily for the rest of my life.

I know that Lord has made me for a man here and that he will be the man I have been praying and waiting for for twenty years. Until the Lord brings him to me, I will pursue the Lord and fall more in love with Him daily. When I do meet my husband, I know we will both be so in love with the Lord, that He will be the center of us and lead us together into His will for us.

So to all of my fellow singles out there. As you wait for the right person to come, I encourage you to romance and chase after the Lord. He is the sweetest lover and most faithful companion. He will never forsake your heart and will keep it whole and full of joy.

Love,
Heritage Marie

Captivating

In the past, I have been very wounded and the result of that was me being very guarded and refusing to show emotion. It took me a good year to even consider opening up to the Lord and forgiving those who had hurt me. Since the forgiveness process has began, the Lord has slowly and very patiently worked with my wounded heart. He has and is still shaping me and mending everything I have hidden from Him for so long. One of the major things He is helping me with is showing my emotions. I am finally getting to the point of being able to talk about what I am feeling and what I think. I am over coming the lies the enemy has planted in my head. Lies like "It's unsafe to show your emotions." "You will get hurt if you let others in." "You and your emotions are too much, but you as a person are not enough." Through the power of forgiveness and Christ, I am free from those lies. Now this is not to say that I do not struggle with those thoughts still, but they have no power over me anymore.

Today, I was struggling more than usual because I have been showing and investing more emotion into something than I ever have and my worst fear started to become true... I showed emotion and I was too much. I felt shame today for what I felt rather than captivating. I began to feel as though closing up again would be the safe and easy route (as it probably would be); however, I talked to my amazing sister in law instead. She spoke the awesome words of God to me. She reminded me that I am valuable and my emotions are too. She reminded me that who I am and who the Lord has made me in the past year is so much more important than something that makes me scared to be who I am.

It's amazing how the truth can penetrate so deep to the core of you. So, today I want to encourage the girls in my life and remind you of a few things:
1) You are Captivating to the core of who you are and you are loved by a God who is fiercely devoted to you.
2) You are enough as who you are and whoever you are meant to be with will never see you as too much.
3) Do not be afraid to be vulnerable and show tenderness because the Lord is and made us to present that side of Him to the world.

Love,
Heritage Marie

The Roomie in Amarillo

There are many things and people in the world that make me happy, but there is one person in my life who brings a special smile to my face and that is my roommate... Kylie Dane Littlefield. She is here in Amarillo visiting me, and I could not be more excited! She has been there for me during some of the lowest times in my life. She has an amazing heart that is so full of love. Not only is she gorgeous on the inside, she is absolutely breathtaking on the outside.

I can't wait to see where the Lord takes Kylie. At this point, she doesn't really know what she wants to do yet, but I know that the Lord has amazing plans for her. She has a heart for others and a heart for the Lord, and that is the combinations that leads to success with an awesome future.

Kylie has such a special place in my heart. I love her so much and just wanted to share what a unique and huge blessing she is to me.

Love,
Heritage Marie

The Beginning

Well, everyone, I have decided to start a blog! I will warn you that this blog has the potential to be very random and silly at times and also very somber and revealing of deep parts of my heart. I hope that ya'll will enjoy reading about my life, thoughts, and heart as I grow and in and pursue the Lord passionately.

I believe the Lord has brought me to a place in my life I never thought possible. I used to be in such a dark and hopeless place. I had completely shut out everyone who has ever loved me and was angry at God. Through the awesome grace and mercy of our Lord as well as endless prayers and countless hours of intercession to the Lord on my behalf by my family, He has brought me back and saved my heart and life with His love. I know that He is the only reason I am who I am today, and all that I will ever be or accomplish will be for the glory of Him and His kingdom.

Just recently, the Lord has completely changed my heart about a huge area in my life... my family. In the past, The devil has succeeded in driving me away from my family in every aspect possible. My family members are the only people have stuck with me through all the hell I have put them through. They have been constant and true, and for most of my life, the enemy has blinded me and deceived me into believing that they were against me and not for me. The Lord managed to grab a hold of my heart and slowly show my bitter self the truth. My family blessed me by coming to College Station for my birthday. At my birthday dinner, I apologized to my family and brought my relationships with them into the light of the Lord where they can finally flourish and grow rather than in the dark where they were dying. I am so blessed to have a father who pursues me and fights fiercely for me while giving me the environment to be captivating in. I have an amazing mother who's love and compassion have gotten me through many horrible times in my life. She is my mentor and example of the woman I long to be. I have a big brother who is an amazing man of God. He shows me the kind of man I want to marry and teaches me daily with his actions. He has an amazing wife who constantly amazes me with her joy and sweet spirit. (They also have a blog thetopofthehills.blogspot.com that is amazing and I highly suggest you read it... the Lord will speak to you through it)

The Lord is growing me and maturing me into the woman He wants me to be. I hope you enjoy experiencing my growth right along with me!

Love,
Heritage Marie