Captivating Chapter 1

I have always loved reading. I think I must get it from my mother. I do not have a memory of her that did not involve a Louis Lamour or a Clive Cussler novel in her hands. She was the one who gave me my Dr. Seusses and my Nancy Drews that shaped my young reading years. There are few books, however, that I will ever say have truly changed my life. A few years back, my dad told my mother that if she loved him, she would read a book called Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. The book addressed the true heart than men are supposed to have and what three things they need. My mom and I both decided to read it and it changed the way I looked at every man in my life. They later came out with another book that was the same theory, but for a woman's heart. Captivating became the first book to ever truly change my life. I learned more about myself as a woman in that book than I ever knew about myself.

Not only do I love reading, but I love women and the amazing and unique heart that God gave us. I believe that Captivating can speak to every woman's heart as it has done for so many of the women in my life, so I have decided to work through the book and blog about it chapter by chapter. I will share what it says and what it says to my heart. I hope that as I am vulnerable with my heart, the Lord will speak to and love on yours.

Chapter One: The Heart of a Woman

You belong among the wildflowers

You beling in a boat out at sea

You belong with your love on your arm

You belong somewhere you feel free.

- Tom Petty

Unseen, Unsought, and Uncertain

What does it mean to become a woman? What is the true heart of a woman? Ask any woman you know and they will be able to rattle off a list of things that women are "supposed to be," but does anyone really ever feel like they measure up? Every woman out there feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. The result from this feeling of failure is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone. Our minds tell us that after all, if we were better women, life would be so much happier and wouldn't be so hard. The ending results is feeling Unseen, Unsought, and Uncertain. We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain - uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be. The result is us pouring contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. We long for intimacy and adventure, but the desires of our hearts seem to be luxuries only for those few amazing women who "have their acts together." The message to the rest of us is "try harder."

The Heart of a Woman

Your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you. "God created man in his own image... male and female he created them" (Gen. 1:27). Whatever it means to bear God's image, you do so as a woman. We are woman to our soul, to the very core of our being. So the journey to discovering what the Lord meant for us to be women begins with our heart. It beings with Desire. Think back to when you were a little girl. What games did you play? What movies do you love to watch? We play dress up in pretty dresses and wait for Prince Charming to come rescue us. We watch movies of adventure and romance. Every woman in her heart of hearts longs for three things: to be romanced, to play an irreplacable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive.

To be Romanced

My favorite game when I was a little girl was to be the princess that my prince had to rescue. We would always fall in love, I would get captured by the evil villain, and my prince would have to go against all odds to rescue me (which in my perfect imagination, always happened). I simply loved feeling wanted and fought for. This desire is set deep in the heart of every little girl and woman. Think about the movies we watched as little girls and the movies we watch now. From Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast to Titanic, Maid in Manhatten and Last of the Mohicans. What is it that stirs us as we watch Braveheart and William Wallace pursues Murron with flowers and horseback rides in the pouring rain on the Scottish Highlands? When we are young, we want to be precious to someone - especially Daddy. As we grow older, the desire matures into a longing to be pursued, desired, and wanted as a woman. Now romance isn't all that a woman should want, we shouldn't be validated by it, but don't you want it? Don't you desire to be sought after and romanced? Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after. At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen ,wanted, and pursued. We want to be romanced.

An Irreplaceable Role in a Great Adventure

There is something fierce in the heart of every woman. A woman is a warrior too, but she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Think of the amazing women in The Lord of the Ring trilogy or the nurses in Pearl Harbor. Think even of women like Esther and Mary and Ruth. Not "safe" and "nice" women, not merely "sweet," but passionate and powerful women who were beautiful as warriors! Women were made to be a part of a great adventure. An adventure that is shared. We don't want the adventure just for adventure's sake but for what it requires of us for others. At times we all want to be alone. Run away from all hurt and disappointments of the world, but we are echoes of the Trinity. Made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings and filled with a desire for transcendent purpose.

Beauty to Unveil

"The King is enthralled by your beauty." (Psalm 45:11)

Remember twirling skirts when you were little? Remember making mom's high heels your glass slipper? Remember trying to look like mom then running to dad to show him? All young girl's hearts intuitively want to know they are lovely. Some will ask with words, "Am I lovely?" Others will simply ask with their eyes. The desire to be beautiful is an ageless longing. God has set eternity in our hearts, the longing to be beautiful is set there as well. The desire to be beautiful has caused untold grief to many women. Heart's have been broken in the pursiut for beauty. For others, including myself, beauty has been shamed, used, and abused. I have learned that posessing beauty can be dangerous. And yet, in spite of all the pain and distress that beauty causes to us as women, the desire remains. Many of us have hardened our hearts to the desire, the desire to be the Beauty. We have been hurt so deeply in this area that we no longer identify with, even resent, the longing. But... it's still there. And it's more than the desire for an outward beauty, but more - a desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are. Women yearn to be seen, and be thought of as captivating. We desire to posess beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.

The Heart of a Man

In Wild at Heart, they adress the three things a man's heart needs. Every man wants a battle to fight. It's the whole thing with boy's and weapons. Men love movies like Braveheart, Gladiator, and Saving Private Ryan. Men are made for battle. And isn't it perfect since we want a man to fight for us?! Women don't fear a man's strength if he is a good man. Every man longs for adventure. Adventure is a deeply spiritual longing in the heart of every man. Adventure requires something of us, puts us to the test. Finally, every man longs for a Beauty to rescue. It's not just that a man needs a battle to fight, he needs someone to fight for. There is nothing that inspires a man to courage so much as the woman he loves. Now, can't you see how perfect God was with the desires He placed in both the man and woman's hearts? They fit beautifully together. A woman in the presence of a good man, a real man, loves being a woman. His strength allows her feminine heart to flourish. His pursuit draws out her beauty. And a man in the presence of a real woman loves being a man. Her beauty arouses him to play the man, it draws out his strength. She inspires him to be a hero.

I hope that these blogs will speak to your heart as women. That you will allow the Lord to reveal his heart in your uniquely feminine heart. And men, I hope that as you read this, it will show you the kind of heart your woman will want and is striving to have.

Love,

Heritage Marie