The Lord and Love Tanks

Over the years, I have had the chance to see many relationships. I have seen flourishing, healthy, and prosperous relationships, and I have seen diminshing, sick, and failing relationships. I have noticed that all types of people are in these relationships. I could never see a common "type" of couple in the healthy relationships, nor could I see a typical "type" of couple in the unhealthy relationships. I began asking the Lord to show me what sets the healthy relationships apart from others. What is the key to having the type of relationship the Lord wants for us? One that grows each person into a better individual. One that reflects the relationship between the Lord and His church. One that is open, honest, and inviting to intimacy. The Lord has shown me two things that are vital to a healthy and lasting relationship.

The first and most important is that the relationship be formed around the Lord. Powerful things happen when the Lord is the focus. As basic and obvious as this may seem, there are many rewards that people don't think about. When the Lord is the focus of a person, healing is possible. Healing from your past, healing from strongholds, and healing from hurts that the person may not even realize they are dealing with. When then Lord is an essential part in a man's life, he is able to be strong in a gentle way, consistent for his wife, and humble enough to be open and weak in front of her. When the Lord is an essential part in a woman's life, she is able to be soft, beautiful, and vulnerable, yet fiercely devoted and loving towards her husband. When two people like this come together, the relationship will be awesome. Every relationship will have its hard times, but when the Lord is the focus, HE leads the struggles and HE leads the couple in the direction to reconcile and healing. Another vitally important reason to have the Lord as the center of your relationship is to be under His spiritual authority.... in other words, His unfailing protection. I don't know about you, but I long for the Lord's blessing and protection over my relationship.

The other aspect to a healthy relationships is something I learned from a book called The Five Love Languages. I read this book a few years ago, and it truly changed my life. Each person has a first language that is easy to speak and understand. You can learn other languages, but it is more difficult and takes effort. The love languages are just like our spoken languages. Each person has a primary love language. One that is easy for them to understand and speak. The important thing to realize about love languages is that a person's primary love language is the only one that speaks love to them. It is the only one that will mean anything to them. It is possible to learn a new love language, but it is difficult and takes effort. The five love languages are:

1. Quality Time - In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
2. Words of Affirmation - Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
3. Receiving Gifts - Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
4. Acts of Service - Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
5. Physical Touch - This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Every person has a "Love Tank." When a person's love tank is full, they will be happy, open, and giving in a relationship. When a person's love tank is empty, they will be closed off, distant, and guarded. The important thing to realize is that a person's love tank can only be filled by receiving their own love language. Healthy relationships are made of two people with full love tanks. You must learn your partner's love language and speak it to them constantly. If you have a different love language than that of your partner, it will take time and effort to learn how to speak it, but it is necesary to make your partner feel loved.

The Lord desires for us to have healthy relationships. Ones that will encourage each person to grow. Ones that are open, vulnerable, and strong. Each and every relationship is difficult and takes work. There will be struggles and hardships, but when the Lord is the focus and love tanks are full, success and happiness are inevitable.