Admirable

Admirable - (adjective) worthy of admiration; inspiring approval, reverence, or affection.

There are few things that I have found truly admirable in my life. I feel like words such as "amazing", "awesome", and "incredible" are overused when you think about their true meaning. Admirable is used without thinking about its true meaning. "Inspiring approval, reverence, or affection"... that's pretty intense when you really think about it. In my life, I have thought that certain people were admirable. People like my Papa or certain political leaders. I think that the way people overcome trials can be admirable. There is a group of people, however, that are truly admirable, that I never gave the respect they deserve... single mothers.

I have recently become a single mother to a beautiful and precious baby boy named Kody Landon Hill and let me tell you, it is the hardest job in the world. It is also, I realize now, the most underthanked and overlooked job. It is heart wrenchingly lonely, exhausting, never-ending, scary, and stressful. But it is also all made worth it to see your baby reach out for you and smile at you. It is a life that expands your heart to depths you never thought possible. It is a lifestyle that makes it worth falling into bed each night because you know that you gave your all to support and love your sweet baby that day.

I'm slowly learning what it means to be a single mom. There are days where I feel like all I want to do is cry because it's all that makes sense to do. There are days when I feel so alone that my heart aches. There are days where I feel like I deserve a gold medal for just getting me and Kody out of the door on time, fully dressed, with food for the day. There are also days where I become so tired that washing another bottle or making another week's worth of baby food seems like a daunting task. But despite all of these trials, I somehow make it. I learn something new about myself everyday. I learn that I am stronger than I realized and that the moments when I think my strength is going to give out, there is always someone to fall back on or run to. I now see that every single mom or dad is admirable in their own way.

I promise to be honest about my life as a single mom. I promise to share my lessons, trials, and victories. I hope that as you read this blog, you will see that God makes beauty from ashes and that you are never handed anything you can't overcome. So, here goes the beginning of my adventure a woman who is striving to be SSM - Super Single Mom.